It's too cold to be out walking in the streets...

I'm sorry

2008-12-21T09:46:00.003-06:00

I am sorry for not posting any new information about things. I fully intend to write a full story on the matters of the past week.

Right now I, along with family and friends, are still in the throes of things.

On a very good note my father is doing impressively well right now.

More to come. Thanks for your patience.

Zach Galafianakis is funny. Like when your parents visit you at computer camp!

2008-09-17T14:14:00.001-05:00

The proposal to my love

2008-05-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

Not a work of fiction, it just sounds like it.

Thursday night was plagued with rain. I saw it coming the day before and started to panic. Where was I going to find another secluded location where my plan would climax? I didn’t want to have this happen at a restaurant, and I certainly didn’t want to to happen around anyone else, especially ones that I didn’t know at all.

I panicked in a very real and sweaty way. My palms were leaving wet marks on the desk chair.

Once my fear lessened, I immediately got on the phone and started calling my family and friends for ideas. Many of my friends, and of course my parents, were aware of what was about to happen. Hell, most of those that knew were actually going to be in on it. After an hour of phone calls and no solution in sight, I settled on a location that was both secluded, quite, romantic and deeply connected to both myself and Pandia. It wasn’t perfect, but as perfect goes in a story like this, maybe it didn’t even matter. At that point, what really matters isn’t a question that comes up. Emotions run high. The heart races. Tears flow. It’s just that good of a feeling.

My plan was coming together now that my final location was set. I hoped into the ole Jetta and headed towards Carey Limousine of Kansas City. I met with Heidi, the daughter of the man I had hired for the next evening. Heidi assured me that my plan was very romantic, which was reassuring coming from a woman who barely knew me and didn’t know my girlfriend. I dropped off a letter for Ben, the driver, detailing the locations and the plan for the evening. Also, I dropped off the first clue for this city-wide scavenger hunt I had planned for the woman of my dreams.

Everytime I wanted to give something big or something special to Pandia, I always wanted to make the giving of the gift just as big. And why not? It makes the whole thing seem even more fun. When I bought her all the Friends DVDs and when I bought her an iPod, I planned a scavenger hunt around the house. She loved every minute of it. So I thought, If I’m going to give my girlfriend the biggest gift of her life thus far, why not make it on the heels of the grandest scavenger hunt I could think of – a scavenger hunt around the city!

So that’s what I did. I planned Thursday night to the smallest detail. I even convinced Pandia we were just going to get dressed up a little bit and have dinner on the Plaza at Kona Grill. She convinced me that she wanted to wear the new black dress she bought at BCBG (which she looks amazing in) and that the night should be just a bit nicer than I was thinking. Little did she know that getting that dressed up was exactly what I wanted. So once we schedule the night’s events at Kona, I immediately hop in the ole Jetta again and start out with my duct tape, clues and waterproof bags to place all the clues at the designated locations.

Once 7:00pm rolls around, the buzzer in her apartment goes off, and she knows that I’m downstairs waiting to pick her up. Once she gets down to the ground floor and looks outside she sees something she didn’t quite expect. Instead of the adoring boyfriend, she sees a small chauffer in a black suit and black cap waiting to escort her to the black sedan waiting outside.

At this point, Pandia figures I’m inside and we’re off to a romantic evening of some kind, but when the door opens all she sees is a red envelope with “#1” printed on it. She opens the envelope and the game begins. Each red envelope contains a clue and a 2nd smaller white envelope with a phone number inside which she can call and get help if she needs. Each envelope has a different clue and a different number.

She starts off heading to her best friend’s house, where on the front door she finds the envelope with “#2” printed on the front. As she is escorted by the chauffer back to the car, her best friend, Emily, pops out the front door and snaps a quick photo, which she messages to me to let me know the game is on! From there she heads to her good friends’, Angie and Alan’s, house where on their front door there is another clue with “#3” printed on the front. With that, her clue directs her to a house simply know as “The Boys’”. A place full of testosterone, as 4 guys live there. Once there, she received the clue with “#4” on it, and heads to the final location – my apartment.

Ben, the driver, attempts to discreetly call me to let me know how close they are to my place.

Once she arrives at my place, Pandia is buzzed up without so much as a word from me. When she reaches the front door to my apartment, there is a final red envelope with a card inside instructing her to come in and stop by the coat rack.

The moment she enters the door, “Fields of Gold” by Sting begins to play ambiently. She stops by the coat rack and sees the final card asking her to take off her coat and stay a while. From that point there was a trail of rose petals leading from the front door of the apartment, down the hall, and into the main area where I was surrounded by candelight, a single rose, a bottle of champagne, and I myself was in a suit awaiting her arrival.

When she got to me, I began to tell her the few words I had scribbled down earlier:

“There is something I want to ask you, Pandia. And it’s been a long time coming.

I want you to know how much I love you. Sometimes it’s tough and sometimes it is exactly what I need.

There has been this place in my heart and in my soul that is longing to be filled.
I want to fill it with someone who is kind and gentle and intense and devoted all at once.

I want you. And I will have you in the rest of my life, if you will

So my question is this: What do you?
Will you spend the rest of your life with me as my wife?”

And with that, I got down on one knee, pulled out the white box from my pocket, opened it and asked very gently, “Will you marry me?”

And wouldn’t you know it, with tears in her eyes and an excitement not even the sports world could rival, she got down on her knees, kissed me and said “Yes!”
________________________________________

And that is the story of how I asked this beautiful creature to spend our lives together.
Oh, and she freaked about the ring. You’ll have to ask her why her ring is so special beyond that it is an engagement ring.

Coffee.....the breakfast of champions

2008-03-11T19:55:00.005-06:00

"[He] has chronic persistent hepatitis, which is a non-progressive form of liver inflammation. If he'd had enough to drink to blow point one on the blood-alcohol, he'd be dead right now....This is good coffee."
-Sam Seaborn

Right now, as I sit at Scooter's Coffeehouse on the Plaza, a blaze of thoughts speed through my mind. I've been thinking about the idea of accomplishments lately. As some of you may know, I am definitely a man who seeks accomplishments. By that, I mean that I'm usually looking towards the end of something, be it a task at work, the end of the day, the end of cleaning my apartment, or the end of an abrupt conversation with someone. I'm usually thinking about my endgame and exit strategies before I even walk into the room.

Now, you tell me, is that healthy? A good friend of mine quite aptly put her answer as "if you're in business, it's fantastic." And I have to agree.

But I still feel thwarting in my pursuit of accmoplishment. Take my theatrical endeavors. Ever time I get on stage or every time I'm behing the curtain, I've got my goal: the end of the show. But what fun is it being in a show or a part of a show if I'm not interested in reveling in the intensity of being in theatre? The main focus of performing arts is exactly that. It's performing. It seems like I'm shooting myself in the foot here. Let's move on.

Let's look at accomplishment in business. I'm a web designer be trade and I try my hardest to create a solid, visually impressive, realistically achieved end product. I try to do it as fast as I can for the price I'm worth, and I try to meet the client's goal of their site actually enhancing their business. So my drive to finish a project is then inherently coupled with self-determination, time-management, problem solving and the ability to buy groceries at the end of the day. (I'm kidding. I actually steal my food form beggars underneath HWY 9 by my building. Just keeping the ecological food chain goin'.)

But I think about how my drive to finish something, even in theatrical settings, helps me to make my project to be the best it can be. When I'm working backstage, or creating a slideshow, building a website, or directing a skit, it all has this drive behind it to not only finish it but finish it beyond expectations.

So, right now, as I sit at Scooter's Coffeehouse on the Plaza, my blaze of thoughts is suddenly replaced with this feeling that I've typed a lot of words in 10 minutes and I think a shot and beer would be in order. But I'm in a coffeehouse. They server coffee. Coffee at 9pm would be the death of me for the next 6 hours.

I've learned that as I get older and have more of me to cover from the elements, caffeine gets to me.

Sigh.......I'm getting old. I'm going to put my Oops I Crapped My Pants on, and I'm going to bed.

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.

2007-10-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

Wow, has it been this long since my last blog post? I know not many people read my blog, but that's ok. I always feel like there's a ground swell somewhere of my avid readers, sipping coffee before their morning jaunt into work, or perhaps after a hard day at work, they pop into the local coffee shop for a quick peek at my thoughts and rantings.
Kudos to you, my loyal subjects in Uzbekistan. I've never felt closer to you.

But I digress.

Right now it's pouring rain all over Kansas City. It's the kind of rain that warranty hot coffee and tea. The kind of day that whispers, "Stop what you're doing and listen to me." I love days like this. I love working in the midst of an atmosphere that feels slower than normal. Makes me feel productive, I think.

So, what's new with me, you ask? Well, my fun news is that I got a glorious new Anodized Titanium 20' iMac. It's really incredible how much more productive one can be when there is so much desktop space. And it's really been a blessing to become much more current in technology. I can do more and do it faster, so clients are happy. In turn, that makes me happy.

Plus, my good friend, and fellow designer-in-crime, Thomas Rye, just got a rockin' new laptop that smokes the competition as well. So we have many things to chat about. He just got a gig doing design for a group here in KC, so we seem to be passing stuff along to one another alot. He's one of those guys that always has some really creative work coming out of the ole' noggin. It's really great to see him get to do that for a group that can provide much larger projects than as a freelance designer.

The rain now calls to me. It whispers that I have deadlines. So, thus, I am off to the deadlines.
~cheers~

You can't take the sky from me...

2007-07-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

I love to walk out of the main doors of my building. I just do. It faces south, and I get a spectacular view of downtown as I come out. Tall skyscrapers have always made me happy, and this morning, looking at that bustling city scene as the cool morning washed over me, I felt pretty dang good.

It made me feel like my day was gonna be worthwhile.

Right now I'm braving the UCI. Always a blast. Then I imagine I'll be meeting up with Tyler Lasche for a tasty brew and some good conversation. And to finish off the evening.......Firefly!

Yes, people, I am a fan of the ill-fated tv show by Joss Whedon. I found it on DVD for $19.99, which never happens. It's always like $49.99 or something crazy. Anyway, the rest of the day seems quite promising, if I do say so.

~cheers, people~

Jerry Falwell, at 73...I don't know what to think about you.

2007-05-16T09:32:00.000-05:00

So I checked my KC Star RSS Feed this morning, and I guess last night an article was released telling of the death of Rev. Jerry Falwell, at age 73, of heart complications.

I was immediately torn in my heart. Here is a man that has done some great great things in the past to further the Kingdom of God, yet in recent years it seems he's done a great deal to give much of the rest of society a reason to hate Christians and the God we follow.
And I think that blows.

I do grow tired of feeling like at every corner Christians are playing catchup with everyone else. The parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 tells us as Christians we shouldn't suck at what we do. We should be the best. That doesn't mean a better person, but that we should be able to be able to reach a pinnacle of greatness in our own journeys and workings. I question how often Christians do their (our) best at what we put our hands to.

Jerry Falwell made villains out of the gay community at every turn, and made not amends for his harsh words. And though I feel homosexuality is a sin and is painful to the eyes of God, that doesn't give way to verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse of anyone. I doubt Jesus, were He on the earth doing His goodness in person, would look at a homosexual man or woman and call them a "brood of vipers". That claim was, and is, left to those long bereft of a heart open to the whisper of God. I imagine He'd sit down with them at the bar and talk the night away, like old friends. I imagine He'd show them that, though the stereotype of His followers is sadly perpetuated by many, it is a veil that hides the truth and goodness that can come from responding to His whisper.

I suppose I feel such a strong wretch in my stomach on this issue because recently a co-worker of mine and fellow believer in God decided to warn me and admonish me on the dangers of having a friend who was gay. His overall argument, due to past hurts and lifestyle choices, was that if a gay man is my friend that there is no misunderstood message: He's interested in me, and that's why he's my friend.

I say that's bull. I say that he's not trying to get with me, and I have a mountain of evidence to prove as such.

But I digress.

Jerry Falwell has done so much to make what I know of the homosexual community despise Christians for being spiteful and critical. Take his tirade on the Teletubbies. Apparently one was gay. And though these cartoon characters weren't even promoting moral or ethical values, he seemed so sure that TinkyWinky's antics were pushing a gay agenda.

I hope we can move forward as a Faith. I hope that we can more so than ever prove that being a Christian doesn't mean carrying a soapbox waiting to force the Bible down someone's throat in an effort to get them to see how wrong they are. It's not about that at all, but I'm el fin for the moment.
I leave you with this lovely quote from Casey McCall:

"...Who takes Jerry Falwell seriously? Charo's got a bigger fan base...I know I'm alone on this. I know the vast majority of people consider Jerry Falwell a spiritual pillar of great and gentle wisdom. I know that most people consider him a scholarly and tolerant man who would never judge others harshly just because they were different. I know that most people find his calm leadership to be a gentle soothing beacon at a time of great social chaos. His guidance, for instance, on the great purple Teletubby matter was fraught with the kind of theological sophistication that only Jerry Falwell and a cafeteria full of sixth graders could devise. I know, I'm going way out on a limb, but I think Jerry Falwell's a fat-ass. Who did I just offend? I'm eager to talk to them."

“Noise proves nothing..."

2007-05-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

I can hear the ugly...

"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."

Two days ago, two things in life would set me off faster than anything else. And I like to think that outside those two things, it's tough to push me to the edge of reason.

Those two things are (in no particular order):
1. Practical Jokes
2. Lying

Today, there are now three things.
The third is this:
3. Waking up at 1:30am to my neighbor and her friends singing Elvis Presley songs, followed by much laughter and noise. Only to then hear, once the friend's leave, her and her gentleman caller having sex in her bedroom, that is adjacent to mine. And after all the moaning and such, said people choosing to stay in her bedroom for the next hour or so and watch late night sitcoms and laugh until 4am. Then having the same thing happen the *next* night, minus the tv, only a few hours earlier.

The noise complaint is filed, my friends, as this is just the most recent of many annoyances. I generally don't hear people being noisy, since I'm in a hallway, but ever noise or frustration I have comes from this girl. She practices her bass late at night, she listens to music so loud it rattles my dishes. She has noisy moaning sex in her bedroom, which sounds like it's actually IN my bedroom.

*pause for awkard silence*

Yeah. And I've talked to her about this stuff before (not the sex though. "Hey, can you two quit bumping uglies? I can hear the ugly..."), and she's been cool about it. The powers that be in my building say that she's stereotypically blond for a reason. LOL. Even though she works as an AutoCAD designer, she lacks a bit of common sense.

Coffee, San Franciso and the Trust that Binds Us

2007-05-01T09:57:00.000-05:00

This morning's coffee is especially good. Still enjoying my third cup, as I blog to you kind folk out there. Here's to you, Mr. Buck. Your Stars help me to grind a fresh brew every morning.

Melted Steel: The San Fransisco Treat
Apparently a few hundred thousand people routinely traverse this area of San Fransisco. Yay for higher taxes! Yay for tankers! Yay for the undeniable truth that a mobile unit full of enough highly combustible liquid to melt the steel beneath an overpass and destroying the additional roadway below probably isn't the best use of someone's money. Anyone's money.

Ever just been blindsided by new info? Ever been suspicious of new info, then come to find out your hunch was right? Ever felt cheapened by a breach of trust? Those stories, plus, how much can it suck to hold a friend to their beliefs?

You're reading My Blog. We'll be back right back...

I'm the last of the big time losers...

2007-04-30T08:38:00.000-05:00

Tom Waits is my hero. There is nothing that I have in common with him. Nothing at all. Really. But I just recently discovered the joy of his music through the past three decades.

I love just piping him through my AirPort and relaxing. I don't get to relax much these days. There is either a mountain of work going on or church or 10 people that I haven't seen in a while and need to get in some hangoutage.

Has anyone ever played Settlers of Catan? I played for the first time this past Saturday, and I gotta say, it's fun. We did the expansion version, to allow for 6 players. We actually had 7. Pandia and I teamed up and won it at the 11th hour.

And by we, I mean, the crew at Josh's (Thomas' cousin's place). Wow, that was a lot of apostrophes. Anyway, it was myself, Pandia, James, Levi Manning, Josh, Sandy and her friend Stephen. It was great fun and James made a killer Salmon marinade and grilled some o' that goodness with some steamed rice and tasty broccoli. It was a great meal, with some great friends and some great fun.

Current Mind: Tumultuous
Currently on the iTunes: I Can't Wait to Get Off Work - Tom Waits
Link fun: www.tv-links.co.uk

~Peace, love and Koalas~

On a rainy night such as this...

2007-04-10T20:26:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm sitting here after a long day working onsite at the UCI. I've got my loft windows open, listening to the rain as it gently rolls off the tilted panes of glass.

In the far corner of the kitchen you can smell the earl grey tea that I've just brewed. There are a few candles lit and there is a single lamp turned down low. Throughout the air inside this loft the gentle waves of Far Behind by Candlebox can be heard in the background as I just relax and let the tension of the day roll off...

I can't help but feel the therapy creep into my senses. I wanted to just wash this day off. I wanted to hit something. I was tense. I was irritated. I was ready to brawl. But now, now I feel a little lighter. I feel weightless as I type. I feel calm. The cars that pass by in the distance sound like waves against the beach.

I find a great joy when an evening, even a moment, is soundtracked like this is moment is right now.

Days go by and still I think of you...

2007-03-06T14:36:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I took a walk for lunch. I left my brand new loft, hopped into the talking elevator and went down 7 stories to the street where I was greeted ever so warmly with the beauty of a spring afternoon.

I walked from Cold Storage to the City Market, being as it's a simple 5-minute walk from there. And I started to browse the shops on my way to Cascone's for a tasty brunch style meal. Sadly most of the stores are not open on Monday's, but the City Market Coffeehouse was. So I went in and checked it out.

What a cool hole in the wall sorta vibe. It's small, with all brick around. A woman was in the back corner roasting the store's beans -- always a plus. And there are two stories, one above and one below, that allow for extra seating. And since there is free wi-fi access, if I get a little bored in my place, I can pop out for a nice cup of a fine brew and work there.

Needless to say, I didn't make it to Cascone's. I stayed there and got a Club sandwich and an apple for lunch, just soaking in the mood -- this urban mood.

There are so many places I want to check out, and I love all the ones that I've come to enjoy so far. The Chinatown Food Market is a place I plan to frequent quite, well, frequently. And it's right across the street from Cold Storage! *grins*

Honestly, I feel like a fish-out-of-water, but I love living downtown. I have access to a great many things that I didn't before, and I feel like I'm actually a part of Kansas City. I'm no longer a distant Johnson County boy.

I am a professional web designer, living in a loft in downtown Kansas City. How friggin' cool is that?

Still...I miss some things about Kansas. Namely the woman I adore, Pandia. My life is going so fast I can harldy hold on, and her life is engulfed in finishing school, so we rarely see each other. I miss her so much. The time I get to spend with her is so precious right now, I'd give anything to take the hour I spent with her last night and make it last forever. That hour was gone in the blink of an eye.

I do get to see my girly this weekend. She and I are having dinner with my mom when she comes in town on Friday. Saturday morning we're all going to breakfast at the City Market Coffeehouse. Shh, it's a secret. They don't know yet. But after that, the lovely Pandia and I will spend the rest of the day downtown, doing whatever the wind implies.

I love her. I can't wait to see her. She's the thing that keeps me from freaking out about life. As long as she can sit there calm and telling me everything will work out, I know my insanity is simply that, insane.

She's my favorite.

Homesick for a place that doesn't exist...

2007-02-02T11:27:00.000-06:00

I am homeless.
That's what happens when you move out and don't move in somewhere else. At least, that's what *I'm* having to do. My lease expired two days ago at my old apt complex and the occupancy permit for the new one has yet to go through -- meaning, I can't move in yet. What's a guy to do, I ask?

The whole situation is pretty lame, but there is nothing anyone but the glorious City of Kansas, Missouri can do. They are dragging their feet with the approval and sign-off on these inspections. Then we get occupancy and I cam move in. I'm so jazzed about the move in, too! I get to move in to...*drum roll, please*...a LOFT! YEAAAH!

Cold Storage Lofts, to be exact. (cue "Movin' On Up") I'm very excited to be on the crest of this move. It is the next chapter in Nathan Lives: The Graves' Saga, Part 3 (published by Scholastic). I move into a 2 bedroom 1 bath loft, close to 1,000 sq. ft. It's all brand new washer, dryer, fridge and microwave! Exposed brick and duct work, and my north wall is nothing but windows. And here's the best part: 13-inch thick cement with cork insulation all the way around!!! No more hearing *everything* from my neighbors. Instead, I get to hear *nothing* from them. Quiet. :)

Nathey likey. I just gotta wait a few more days. Hopefully the Big Man will make the weather above freezing for my second phase of the move. All my stuff's in a storage loft downtown in the meantime and I'm staying with the Overtons likewise.

~cheers~

I've seen the lights go out on Broadway

2006-10-24T14:16:00.000-05:00

So I went to New York City with my best girl, and I'm at work right now, so I can't go into all the glorious revelry that was had just yet. But just you wait...

Just you wait...

The best part of waking up.

2006-08-04T13:23:00.000-05:00

So, I'm not depressed. That's for sure.

I am, however, wanting to get away from a few things. Actually, everything. I want to get away from everything that's occuring in my life right now.

I want to get away from work.
I want to get away from bills.
I want to get away from my paper-thin walled apartment complex.
I want to get away from shopping carts on the lawn.
I want to get away from the temeratures that cause one's(mine. totally mine) electric bill to be a bit harsh.
I want to get away from the need for gasoline.
I want to get away from SUVs.
I want to get away from being unweb.
I want to get away from alcohol.
I want to get away from 10 different types of aluminum foil at the grocery store.
I want to get away from "Today's Top Story".
I want to get away from shallow people. Like me.
I want to get away from the 12 items or less, express lane.
I want to get away from rush hour.
I want to get away from the painful memory.
I want to get away from the fighting.
I want to get away from the horrid anticipation.
I want to get away.

Now, I'm no 111 years old, but I feel as though Mr. Bilbo had peered into my heart and knew something desperate in me when he said, "I need a holiday — a very long holiday — and I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to!"

I suppose I'll return from my grand vacation. I might. I might not. I mean, how hard can it be to travel to the Ozarks, stay a few days in your parent's condo on the lake; fishing and dining with the greatest of ease; sleeping late; no deadlines...

Why would I want to leave that? Sadly, I have at least another month before the sweet nectar of that trip is even placed before me. Who knows when I might feast.

*Sigh*

As the unnerved Jonathan Harker put it:

God preserve my sanity, for to this I am reduced. Safety and the assurance of safety are things of the past. Whilst I live on here there is but one thing to hope for, that I may not go mad, if, indeed, I be not mad already. If I be sane, then surely it is maddening to think that of all the foul things that lurk in this hateful place the Count is the least dreadful to me, that to him alone I can look for safety, even though this be only whilst I can serve his purpose. Great God! Merciful God, let me be calm, for out of that way lies madness indeed. I begin to get new lights on certain things which have puzzled me. Up to now I never quite knew what Shakespeare meant when he made Hamlet say, "My tablets! Quick, my tablets! `tis meet that I put it down," etc. For now, feeling as though my own brain were unhinged or as if the shock had come which must end in its undoing, I turn to my diary for repose. The habit of entering accurately must help to soothe me.

I never knew.....I never knew.

2006-07-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

"I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears."

- The Fray (Over My Head)

A French writer named Anatole France once said, "It is well for the heart to be naive and for the mind not to be." It's been a troublesome road to learn this in my own life.

I guess I've always just joined my heart and my mind when I think of being naive. I mean, who wouldn't agree that somewhere down the line in life it's actually a good idea to say, "You know something? I think I'll not get involved in this. I'll sit this one out and rest up for the next game. It sounds a bit dodgey to me." Humans are natually prone to self-preservation anyway. We're a selfish bunch, the whole lot of us. Thinking about that, I have to kick myself because I tend to say, "Screw it. What's the worst that could happen?"

This summer has been, well, awful. I don't mean to exaggerate, and I hope I'm not. Looking back on the past month and a half, I've not found much to be overjoyed about. My business is really quite slow, aside from a few bigger projects that aren't paying right now. I've experienced a single towering hurt like no human should, and I'm working at Theatre in the Park. The summer has been an intense learning experience, but the hard knocks have been harder than expected.

Clear as mud, right? I know how you feel.

Current Life Lesson: The human will instinctively destroy another human to make himself appear grand, instead of living respectably and appearing grand by merit.

Anticipated Course of Action: "I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears."

my heart is reeling, this is that fresh, that fresh feeling.

2006-05-11T12:19:00.000-05:00

Hello, hello.

It's been simply ages since we last talked. How the heck are ya?
The recent things worth talking about are a-plenty this time around. Where to begin? Let's start with my weekend.

I went to South Carolina for my oldest friend's wedding. It was amazing. Her mom has apparently been saving up for this for quite a while. Horse drawn carriages through a plantation courtyard to seat guests. Multiple string quartets. Ice sculptures. The works. It was very impressive. The hard part of it was the fact that my friend is 26 and her new husband is 41. He's the nicest guy in the world and they gog reat together, it's just that age gap. It seems so....gaping.

So I took a flight early Sunday morning home so Pandia could sleep and get to her Cats rehearsal, and then Monday was an odd day. All week I've been having a hard time focusing on work, and in the midst of my feeble attempt in the afternoon, I start hearing this loud "Boom!". Each time it sounds different, but it goes on for about an hour. Finally, I get up to yell at what I think to be kids beating on something outside my apartment, when I open the door and see the least likely explanation for the booms: one of the maintenance men from my complex is on the 3rd floor dragging furniture out of an aparment across the parking lot and dumping it over the 3rd floor balcony onto the pavement below, causing big wooden pieces to shatter everywhere.

My guess is that the tenant(s) there were deemed MIA and they were cleaning the place to rerent it. An hour later, when I came back out......everything had been cleared out, like what I witnesses hadn't really happened.

Later that night I had to go pick up Pandia from Cats rehearsal at 10:30 at Metcalf South Mall. Let me tell you, a "Dead Mall", as it's called, is a freaky place at night. When I walked in, I heard faint elevator music (as one would in a mall), and I could hear a fountain in the distance, yet there was scarce light and nary a soul was around. So I walk around, not sure where to find my lady, when I see all these old stores that were abandoned. County Seat, Champs Sports, Mr. Bukly's, JP Todds, The Limited, etc. All abandonded with a few pieces of furniture behind the metal grates. The thing that scared the crap out of me was this: The mall was in immaculate condition. It looked as though there was a cleaning staff 24/7 to keep it nice and neat like the mall was fully operational. But it wasn't. There were no lights on hardly at all, the fountain was clean and clear, the floor was spotless and there were no stores around that actually were selling things. So creepy. I was just waiting for a mannequin wearing a suit and a Santa hat to come alive and chace me with a hatchet. Or a creepy clown on a tricycle coming after me.

A piece of advice for all those interested in checking out Metcalf South (which should be ALL of you) -- bring a loaded gun. One could easily be taken hostage by the supernatural workings of dead mall mannequins.

~cheers~

"Is this a dagger which I see before me..."

2006-04-18T10:01:00.000-05:00

It's true, there are things in life that cause us all to stop dead in our tracks. When you read that statement, you think something is usually bad that makes you stop, right? Right. Well, I've decided to ponder the things that cause me to stop myself -- things that are fine and well, but enacted at the wrong time prove to be evil.

These things then become daggers. It's like a self-inflicted wound that just never heals because, like every little boy, I love to pick at it. Scars be d****d!

So what are these daggers, these happy daggers? Drum roll please.....

I love me some dvds and movies, yo!

I'm addicted to two things in particular as of late. I'm watching all my DVD tv shows back to back every chance I get. The are (in no particular order but alphabetical): Coupling, Scrubs and Sports Night.

Coupling: It's like Friends but way better. *winces at potentially heretical statement.* No, seriously. It's hilarious and it can get away with so much brutally honest talk since it's British. It's witty and well written, and shockingly hilarious to boot.

Scrubs: Just dang funny. Hilarious slapstick and and expert knowledge of well-orchestrated music montages.

Sports Night: This is the coup de grace for me. I'm a friggin huge Aaron Sorkin fan. For those who are unaware of the Sorkin genius. His biggest acclaim is writing and creating The West Wing, but he wrote A Few Good Men, The American President and he's about to launch a new show this Fall called Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It's fast, it's witty, it's genius in the writing, and you completely fall in love with the charaters. You really feel like you're apart of the world before you.

So, as you can see, I get completely wrapped up in the hubub of watching these discs over and over and over again. And I do it in the middle of the day sometimes.

So talk to me people.....what prevents you from doing the best you can in life? What's your bane? Video games? Food? Music? The outdoors?

Chat me up, kiddos.
~Cheers~

Wilber the Blazer has gone and left his pen...

2006-04-05T09:27:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you about my usual morning working for myself.

First, after my alarm wakes me up (or the angry family above me), I'll go to my computer and checm my email, then go to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee that I will consume over the following 8 hours, then I turn on my iTunes/AirTunes on my surround sound system and begint to cook breakfast as the cool breeze from my open windows makes the day come alive.

As the Beatles serenade me to attentiive status, I take my coffee and walk to the window on my bedroom, as my eggs begin to cook. Just out the window, in the parking lot of the complex behind me, there is a Chevy Blazer, deep blue, in pristine condition, and since I myself have a Blazer that is a bit beat up, I take great interest in this.

No sooner do I admire the excellent condition of the car, than I notice plastered across it's 15% tint windows in big white letters:

W I L B U R

Someone thought it would be a good idea to plaster that name across the windshield of a car, and a Blazer at that. Now tell me, couldn't there be a more suited name for the car, or the driver, as it were? How about Orville Reddenbacker? That's taken, you say? Hmmmm. Perhaps Philip II of Macedonia? Damn, taken again.

Well, by the previous argument, it is now proven that there are no new names to be had that would suit this situation or any other. So let's pick a better name. How about a celebrity name. Someone funny. Someone that people of most ages can still appreciate. And what's funnier than a good fall, right? Or a decent trip over the couch? What famous funny person that tripped with the best of them could we name this beat after?

I got it......CHEVY CHASE!

Wait, no. Then this malevolent fiend would now have the dumb luck (and what dumb luck it is) of plastering the actual name of his vehicle across the front.

And that's just.....that's just CRAZY TALK! Who the EFF does that?

“He steps on stage and draws the sword of rhetoric..."

2006-03-31T10:55:00.000-06:00

So Theatre in the Park begins this weekend. Well, the auditions at least. Saturday and Sunday will prove to be most gruelling. Some 800 thespians and aspiring thespians will come through the doors, sing 16 bars, dance a quick routine and then hope and pray for the best.

As tough as my job is, it's nothing compared to walking into a room where at least 15 people are all sitting there watching you and expecting you to impress them. It's tough enough when you do it for three, but at TTIP all show staffs sit in a room together and watch the auditions - so in comparison I'm on a cake walk.

C'mon, German Chocolate!

Anyway, for those of you who wanna give it a show, check out all the details on the TTIP website here and bring a piece of music that shows off your vocal range, even if you think you can't hold a tune.

And for all those avid readers out there who are curious as to my role this Summer. I am the Assistant Director for Grease. And also, you should leave me a bit of love. Right here. Right now.

~cheers~

O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick

2006-03-27T12:06:00.000-06:00

I saw a commercial last night for a new anti-depession drug. I won't divluge it's name, but it rhymes with Schmelschmutrin.

It was your typical commercial where apparently the freedom of this drug allows them to make much more money than they did before, alowing them the comforts of a lovely yacht on a lake out in the Hamptons where the rest of the family has recently come to the knowledge and freedom of this drug.

But the kicker came when the commercial began to list the disclaimer and side affects of the drug:

"In some children and teens, antidepressants increase suicudal thoughts or actions. Whether or not your are taking antidepressants, you or your family should call the doctor right away if you have worsening depression, thoughts of suicide, or sudden or sever changes in mood or behavior, especially at the beginning of treatment or after a change in dose."

Let me be a bit clearer: If you are taking this antidepressant and you start to feel more depressed or feel you should attept to take your own life, maybe this antidepressant wasn't designed correctly. Maybe it was put on the market too soon so the drug companies can save a bit on the R&D and hope that the first round of people trying the drug will better suit their needs for testing. Forget about the fact that disclaimer states that drug might, in fact, increase the very thing you're taking the drug to prevent.

Drug companies blow.

I'm a silly, silly boy.

2006-03-24T11:45:00.000-06:00

I like fart jokes. I really do. I enjoy all things that have to do with farts, other than smelling other peoples. And as a bloke, there are a few other things that I like.

I like James Bond. Sean Connery is great, but Pierce Brosnan stole my heart (in that 'straight-as-an-arrow' sort of way.)
I like to see things get blown up.
I like it when the guy gets the girl.
I like to see other guys get smacked in the junk and fall over.
I like it when my friends get cool stuff, even if I'm jealous of it.
I also like it when someone tells me something cool about myself.

I do not, however, like me very much. I've come to this realization.

I find that the talents I have are a means to an end, which, ultimately, is glorify my Father in Heaven. When I love someone, I'm proud of it, yet I find it very hard to accept unconditionally love, because it is perplexing to me how someone can look at me and be ok with everything that I am. I'm afraid that it would be charity. If I saw me on the street, I woudn't think twice about me. I'd go on by, and tht scares me.

Maybe it's an odd paradox, but my life seems encompassed by one focus:

Whatever I do in life that is selfless, kind, moral or loving is something I love to do. When those same things are bestowed upon me, I freak out.

Why is it so difficult to accept the love and kindness of others, when it seems so fulfilling to give? I feel as though the acceptance of another's love (even God's), is a sign of failure and weakness in my mind. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the result of a beast we call pride.

If one cannot subdue the pride within him, one cannot feel the freedom the Creator has designed him for.

Pride comes before a fall, right? I've also found that if I don't truly learn from the fall, pride is what picks me back up...I suppose the pride can kill a man.

Remember, remember the 5th of November

2006-03-19T10:23:00.000-06:00

I saw a movie last night that was truly an incredible adventure. So seeping was it with Wachowski-ism, it was rife with enjoyment. Those friends in the world that loved the Matrix (and subsequently, it's two sequels) will truly enjoy this tale of a countryman choosing to take his opportunity to avenge an ideal long forgotten in the midst of "Haymaker Politics", as I like to call it.

In al it's glory, there is still room for contempt and judgement on the film. It is adventure, it is in the future, it is pooling from several great films of yore (1984, Equilibrium, Resident Evil, any number of Japanese anime films) and lends itself to inconsistency. But yet, if I am to rebutte to those claims, I'd have to recall that in spite of the unbelieveablity of some of the film, it was visually beautiful and Owen Patterson created a world that is colorful, intense, real and fearful. I was given world that was easy to feel like I was a part of, meaning it was easy to sit and watch and not find a thousand things wrong. Before I had time to look for things, I was caught up. And my mind was so engaged throughout that it was not even possible to mentally detach myself and start nitpicking.

I know the ideas in the film are considered "terrorists-like" and "anarchist", but if i can quote from two other films that very heavily dance and interact with government ideals, I shall:

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center-stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the land of the free."
-President Andrew Shepherd, addressing the press in response to character attacks on himself in The American President-

"But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards for their future security."
-Benjamin Gates, reading the Declaration of Independence in National Treasure-

So then, what? We've never been put in a position like this movie tells, so don't think that it's grounds for an upheaval of national or international proportions. If you think I'm blowing smoke, think about Farenheit 911.
Michael Moore slams Bush on nearly every front and what does American do? They elect him again.

The sickness makes me sick

2006-03-09T12:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning, at 6:00am, my body decided to eject everything from inside it and then some. I felt like I was going to turn inside out from the pain. Everytime I would move my nerves would go into sensory overload and they would individually let out little cries of pain and wish for a better life.

Ugh, being sick blows.

Today I am better though. Been drinking lots of hot tea of the Earl Grey kind. So good, people. So good.

I get to take my girlfriend out for a date tomorrow night. First time in a while that I've been able to do that. It feels oh, so good.

~cheers~

Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent. - Epictetus

2006-03-06T10:55:00.000-06:00

Ah food, the joy of life. Are there certain foods that just don't taste good to you? I have a few, but it seems as of late that it's not a good thing that I don't like certain foods. I hate corn, though it has nothing to do with the taste, it stems from an oddity from my childhood. Ask me later. But I also don't like cooked fruit. I like fruit fruit, but I don't like dried fruit and I don't like cooked fruit. It's weirde, I guess, but the rest of the world apparently swoons over cooked fruit in pies and such.

I just don't have a sweet tooth. Is that so wrong? I can inhale a huge bag of potato chips and never come close to curbing my salt cravings, but when it comes to sweet stuff, even chocolate, it's just hohum to me.

However, just like everyone does, I'm choosing to overcome my dislike for cooked sugar and move to a higher ground, as it were. I did it with lettuce (the evil leaf of bugs) and I shall reign supreme once again.

Don't mess with AC Slater.